A post on our FB page by one of members on a subs/pups bill of rights got some great conversation going recently about Dom/sub relationships and how they work.

One of the things that I have talked about in previous articles is the concept of balance and thought this would be a great opportunity to build on the FB discussion and explain what I mean by that.

I love kink, especially role play, and can easily get lost in the submissive mindset. For that reason I make sure there is a start/end to all sessions so I can get my headspace right. To me this is important, because I have been in a relationship where the start/end got very blurred and then non-existent, of course, it fell apart in very short order.

For example, I would be doing the ironing after a very long day at work when my partner would tell me to get and bring various clamps/restraints out. I would do so, too timid to say I was exhausted and just wanting to do the ironing. What I didn’t know at the time was that he was also tired and just wanted to relax on the couch with me, however when he saw I was doing house chores he felt an obligation to initiate a scene. It got so we were both always a bit tense.

The problem was that whilst we had talked about what we wanted, we didn’t really come to an agreement or set boundaries. I said I wanted a no limits relationship, but would then get upset when I felt my mental limits where pushed too far or not respected. I didn’t feel like I could say when something was not working for me. Reading the items in the Bill of Rights that was posted and reflecting on them, there are definitely things there that were not being met on both sides.

These days I am comfortable telling my partner if I am tired or not up to playing. The key is communicating what you want and you should never feel that by expressing your feelings you will be risking damaging your relationship.Talking is a key part of building trust and strengthening bonds. If you feel that you don’t have the ability to do that, whether you are the Dom or sub or pup, then perhaps you need to think about the health of that relationship.

Have a read of the original post on the FB page and leave your own thoughts, I would be keen to hear them…

Cyll Duncan
Mr Queensland Leather 2013