I get people asking me a lot about how to find a Master or Dom to own them. Usually they are learning about their kink and what makes them tick. I will normally suggest it’s better to explore and learn at first, think about ownership later.
When I truly got into BDSM I was owned within a week. I had played around a bit before but really I was a newbie. I was hooked by the 4-5 hour sessions Sir and I had, he was cruel and imaginative. I broke up my relationship, moved in as his boy and we spent the next year failing at combining ownership with a relationship.
It was an amazing and challenging time, at the end I learnt a lot about what my wants and needs were. Based on my experiences as a collared boy, here is my advice on wanting to be owned. Also, check out the boy’s Bill of Rights for more info-http://www.theleatherjournal.com/leather-community-arts-society/item/684-boys-bill-of-rights
What does commitment look like?
For some it will be limited to when they physically hook up and once the scene is over there is no obligations/rules until next time. For others their Sir controls certain aspects of their lives (who can fuck them/when they cum/sending pics/film). For a few it will be a 24/7 live in arrangement with established rules and behaviours. Think about your current desires/needs and circumstances before committing and remember that things can change if you want them to, you have that right.
What are you prepared to do?
If you just want to be owned for purely sexual play that’s ok. Be upfront about it. When I was owned I also did all the cooking, cleaning, ran errands and other things. There was not always a sexual aspect to it, it was just part of my day to day life. Ultimately, you are doing this for your pleasure. Definitely try new things and push yourself, but don’t lose sight of why you are doing this in the first place. Communication is such an integral tool in building your relationship, so use it.
How ‘open’ are you?
I think this is a big one, is a monogamous type situation what you are after? I will be honest, as an owned boy I did not play well with other subs. I wanted to be the best and strived to prove it. It got to the point where he used other subs in front of me as a punishment when I did something wrong. I feel that having a dynamic with more than one sub can be an amazing and enriching experience at the right point in your journey. Be up front about your needs and speak up if there are issues.
What headspace are you in?
I don’t know how to reinforce this one enough. If you are not happy and stable within yourself, someone else won’t give that to you. Years ago I was diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder which means I would truly live to please my Sir no matter the hurt. It took a lot of therapy to overcome. I quickly agreed to a ‘no limits’ arrangement and then felt I had to live with that when it was not right for me. A good Master will enrich your life, not solve it or take on all your emotional or life problems.
I love power exchange and control. It excites me, it is what makes me tick. Mine is an incredible journey that always continues and evolves. I feel that I have a balance that works for me, I hope the same happens for you.
Yours in Leather
Cyll Duncan
Secretary and Mr Queensland Leather 2013
