I often hear men lamenting how hard it is to start their journey into the kink and leather scene, especially for those who want to explore being a BDSM sub or bottom. Often one of the main issues is finding others who they can explore with, but also feel safe session with.

As an experienced BDSM top, and as someone who has been in and out of both the gay male and pansexual scene, my number one tip is to attend events. Groups like BootCo allow you to meet other men who share a passion for fetish and BDSM. It is far easier to gauge if you want to play with someone when you can talk to them in the flesh.

Attending workshops is also a wonderful way to skill up, and usually, there are a plethora of interesting workshops running throughout the year. BootCo sometimes runs their own workshops, however, if you jump onto a site like Fetlife.com, you can easily find a large number of BDSM workshops and groups running (Check the “Events” tab). Being educated about what you want and are looking for is often pretty attracted to tops, even if you don’t have that much experience. And please make sure you never over compensate when it comes to how expereinced you are, either as a top or bototm.

I’ve only explored this topic briefly. You can read the full Q&A that inspired this article at the Chicago Reader

Stay safe and have fun!